Chewy donuts actually contain parts of Vacuum cleaner

A tough night’s cleaning at the bakery and an exploding vacuum cleaner resulted in donuts of uncertain edibility this week. Maccabee Zilch reports on the row that’s dissolving Kings Road, St Leonards on Sea.

‘Swlcharntoens uopnurt dems laonriubsjh’ claimed one affected customer along with ‘laugh out loud’. Rubber bands and cogs appeared in the jam donuts overnight but the fryers missed it and the whole rotten episode kicked into gear. Conservative MP for Pugil on Sour, Viktor Anaesthetico began hopping and visibly booing his eyes out after swallowing several of the mechanical pastries. He was on a virtual antique pondering expedition to the sunny Portabello of the south and bought a bag of the ‘decorative donuts’ for his second breakfast.

Southern water have not yet reported any of the contamination reaching their facility but some beachgoers have reported residues that appear to match digested hoover donuts in the mounds of raw sewage along the coast. Jempsons have been contacted by HOT but have so far refused to comment.

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